Mardi Froid (Excerpt)

It being almost March, you ought to take the Christmas tree down. Same goes for the candy cane tablecloth and the little gel Santas on the windows. The seasonal teas. The paper snowflakes that have been heated and reheated so many times by the ancient radiator they’re practically ashes now. In your defense, it never gets this cold in Louisiana. Until recently you didn’t think it knew how. A few weeks ago your toes were making conversation with the cracks on the sidewalk and now you’re hard pressed to find a sock thick enough to shelter your little piggies. The cold seems to say, Keep the tree up, why don’t you? At least then the shivering will be festive.

Louisiana winter usually brings satsumas and lemons and every kind of cake you can make with satsumas and lemons. You can work up a tan on New Year’s Day. You can fold your sweaters away long before Punxatawney Phil makes his decision. By Mardi Gras you’re a babe. This year, you’re a bundle.

The energy company emails to say your electricity bill will probably be higher than normal this month. We don’t control the weather, they mean, so don’t call us crying when you have to ransack the coin jar. Cheap out with Grandma’s heating pad and a traveling hot water bottle to save on gas. Take a lover if you have to. Foster a dog. What’s colder, living alone or flying home to Ohio to sleep in your childhood bedroom for a weekend?

The parades are cancelled anyway, what with the pandemic and all. This will probably save a lot of toes, you think. Paramedics won’t have to tote day-drunk behemoths with blue tootsies away from the festivities. Parents won’t have to argue with children about putting a coat over their costumes. And who wants to squat on a port-a-john in 27 degree weather? Still, you’ll miss the thrill of catching things. The gluttony of it all. Children and adults alike in their desire to gather treasure in the streets. Your neck starts to hurt after about fifteen necklaces, but you keep your hands raised as if you have another neck somewhere, a spare, that can hold fifteen more.